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Contributions
"St Ethelburga - practice makes perfect: That's why after practicing in the pool I know now to actually attach the SMB to the reel before filling it with air. Yours M"
As long as you admit to your mistakes promptly, little things like this are easy to forgive!
"Help St Ethelburga - I think my mind is going - I keep turning up for Try Dive sessions, but without the gear! Whether it's regulators or Try Dive certificates, I just can't seem to remember things! Yours a very forgetful Mr G"
Dear Mr G, God moves in mysterious ways, and everything happens for a reason - especially mysterious neck seal rips. I hope you considered being squeezed into that other suit penance enough?
"St Ethelburga - if I promise not to abandon my keys overnight on the hard boat again, can you forgive my sin of leaving Keef in his leaking drysuit (and wet suit underneath) for the hour it took to get them back? B"
B - it was only Keef, don't worry about it....
"St Ethelburga - either I'm very gullible when KD shows me 'perfume bottles' he's brought up from the sea bed, or perhaps I really do like the 'Scent of Shiphams (Paste)'. Should I be worried? N"
N - I'm far more worried about the persistent preying on innocent young girls that this KD seems to delight in - has he told you about the 'floating Volnay Balls' yet?
"St Ethelburga - you only learn by making mistakes, and I'm determined to be the best diver the club has ever had! On our recent Vobster Training Weekend I conclusively proved that you need to take your dive gear with you to the site in order to be able to dive. I think my big orange crate was not bright enough for me to spot it hidden away in my car boot. Oh - while we're here, I may as well mention a number of new things I learnt at Vobster: You need fins to go diving, how to do compass navigation and avoid what you are heading for, how to turn left instead of right and (most importantly) when you're shore watch you are actually supposed to stay and watch for the divers not go and get a burger. Finally I learnt that KD gets grumpy if he gets his special mask wet while waiting for you to get your fins on. Yours M"
M - your sins could be forgiven, although it would be better if you kept your sins for when you dived with one of the other six dive clubs you belong to!
"St Ethelburga, please forgive me a momentary lapse in concentration. I was so excited at being allowed out of the house on my own, I forgot to concentrate on where I was going with the club boat, and punctured it on a particularly vicious-looking pontoon. How will I ever live with what I have done - The Lawnmower Man"
Dear Lawnmower - I'm sure you didn't mean it, and as you probably won't be allowed out again until the same time next year, I consider that penance enough.... Although do be careful next time....
"St Ethelburga - is there really such a things as 'Barbie Dragons' on maps? B"
No - but there is such a thing as listening carefully next time, B...
"St Ethelburga - me again! I've now learnt another useful thing - you can't use air in cylinders you leave behind in your car boot on your dive. I thought picking my lucky cylinder out and leaving the two full ones behind would be OK, but perhaps it was not lucky at all with only 60 bar in it! Oh and please forgive my friend for turning up without a dry suit - honestly, some people...... M"
M - but you did remember your big orange box this time? Then at least you are making progress!
"Dear St Ethelburga, I'm sorry but I have been tempted over to the 'Dark Side' (you know - Ifield) and I don't know how to come back to the light. I tried to resist - I even left my dry suit behind in the car the first time to try and make sure I couldn't dive, but I knew I'd have to come back for more. Please forgive me - Mr B"
Mr B - you really should be old enough to know better. Still, I hope you drank all their tea and used that P valve of yours to its usual good effect to make up for this sin in some small way.
"St Ethelburga - it has been many years since my last confession (three in fact - so long ago I needed special instruction just to remember who you were). As soon as I went on holiday (leaving the wife and kids behind, shivering at the airport) I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders - unfortunately those were the weights I was supposed to be wearing around my middle BEFORE I put on the rest of my gear! I confess that I also am so fond of every one of those stories told by my idol, KD, that I just couldn't resist re-enacting one of them by trying to get back on the wrong boat after the dive. Now at least when he got it wrong it was dark.....Still it's good to be back! D"
D - It is just possible that you might not be allowed the opportunity for any more sinning for another three years! If so, then I can hardly not forgive you in your eagerness. Especially when there are people like KD around to lead you away from the straight and narrow!
"St Ethelburga - I believe there is a miscarriage of justice happening, I was just putting the kit together and a few of the others believed they saw me put the BCD on upside down. Do you know a good optician or psychiatrist I could recommend they see."
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